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Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God – Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving “domestic violence” shares her story

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Ovularia Ragnar Adannaya, a Nigerian lawyer and mother of 3, has shared her personal story of domestic violence, how she got out of an alleged abusive marriage, went back to school and remarried years later. 

Taking to Facebook on Sunday, May 16, Ovularia, who has been married to her second husband, Tunde, for 13 years, said she shared her story to encourage divorcees, and to shut the mouths of those who shame single mothers.

Read below: 

Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story

“I am sharing this story to encourage every divorcee out there. I am also sharing this so that those of you who derive joy in shaming single mothers can keep shut cos you’re not God.

“I am a survivor of domestic violence; After 9years with 3 children and repeated attempts to escape, I left with nothing but my 3 children on the morning of August 26th 1998 at the age of 28.

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We were basically homeless squatters because no one wanted to accommodate a mother and three children especially that my vindictive ex-husband was threatening those trying to help me and kids with police arrest and accusing any male helper of being my lover. Everyone was understandably being careful not to get involved.

There were no mobile phones and social media in 1998 to even reach out for help from organizations that can help. My ex husband was a pastor and his friend, my dad, was superintendent of police and divisional crime officer DCO as at then.

No one wanted family/police wahala most especially since my dad was strongly against divorce.

So my children and I ended up living in a small church in Alagbado and the pastor used to put a tray down and urge members to contribute what he tagged Mercy fund for us.

Some members took turns bringing us food and clothes for a month then we moved in with my younger sister in Ago palace way Okota Isolo for the period it took my elder sisters to go plead with my father to let me return to his residence in Ekpoma. (The reason being that my father said he gave me out to his friend at 19 and vowed that no matter how badly I was treated I must stay married till death do us part, that if ever I disobeyed him and leave, I should go into hotel and prostitute rather than bring him the shame of being parent of a divorcee…story for another day).

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My divorce was filed 1998 and final in March 19th 2000-bride price was returned. I was 30, a high school cert holder.I decided to go back to school for my dream career-a lawyer with lots of help from Angels I met along the way.

I got my LL.B law Bachelors degree from Ekpoma, went to look for job in lagos and got a receptionist offer from an oil servicing firm in Victoria Island. Then I enrolled for my Master’s degree at Unilag Akoka after attending lagos campus law school and got called to the bar. I became secretary/legal adviser of my company.

I always wanted to remarry eventually. But being divorced with 3 children makes it twice harder, some men feel they’re doing you a favor because you’re a divorcee with children termed “baggages”. Others couldn’t even consider marriage at all, they wanted me as mistress or side chick.

I started praying for a life partner, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a saint. I just wanted God to settle me and my children and surprise all them naysayers and haters.

So whenever there was an altar call for single needing a spouse and I joined to come out, there were lots of hush gossips and laughter and smirks about me. Some told me to my face to forget marriage and go back to my ex or become second wife.

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The Pastor didn’t agree with me, he said God hated divorce I should go back to my ex-husband and be praying for him as a woman of virtue. Everytime I heard that, I changed church. I don’t want to be ‘a woman of virtue’ 

During the period of working and doing my Master’s in Law at Akoka, one day, after midnight of March 16th 2008,I slept and dreamt I was in an empty courtroom approaching the judge but the seat was empty and a man in brown suit was standing facing the judge and someone behind me said that’s your “husband”!

He was turning to look at me as I tried to see his face I woke up. As a single mom/parent since my divorced with 3 kids the past 10 years (1998-2008) I had been praying for a good man to remarry but my options was narrow due to my predicament and the society/church always reminds me of that. But I just knew I wanted to get married again and experience love.

Anyway, Irked by the useless dream I got on my knees and bind and cast my dream ‘spirit marine husband’ as my mom calls such.

I got back on the bed awaiting sleep when my phone beeped around after 1am. I looked, it was an email dated March 17th 2008. I thought no need to waste my data, I’ll read it when I go to work in the morning.

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At work I opened the email it was from Him who was to become my husband.(copy of the email below)

Back in 2007 December my now husband said he dreamt in the US; he saw a pretty fair lady who told him she’ll marry him. He called his family in Nigeria when he woke up and they told him to pray against spirit wife and familiar spirit.

On that sunday 16th March 2008 he was having conversations with his friend who happens to be my cousin in California also about his spirit wife dream and said he hopes to find a good wife eventually, my cousin then remembered my younger sisters who were single in Lagos and told him he has some single pretty cousins he can introduce to him.

Because my cousin didn’t have pictures of my two single sisters alone, he sent the Easter one we all took together and when my husband saw the pictures he said he recognized me as the lady he dreamt of-The “marine-spirit wife”

He then sent me the email I saw 1am cos of time difference and decided to read when I got to work. I read it and ignored. He sent a second email.

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When he said: “you’re the woman of my dreams” in my mind I said “abia!” Story story! He sent more emails and asked for my number. We got chatting.

He proposed during one of those chats i said yes and told me he was coming to marry me in May.

On May 8th 2008 he came; I went to pick him up at Muritala international arrival and met him in person for the first time ever after several emails and yahoo messenger chats.

Exactly 8 days after (shortest courtship ever) on the 16h of May 2008 we had a shotgun wedding. That was exactly 13 years ago today.

We still call each other crazy and desperate for the hasty nuptials. I still love Idris Elba and Denzel Washington and our Naija Phyno.

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He is still planning to run off and marry Diana Ross and loves Mariah Carey, Serena Williams and Taraji P Henson (why else do you think I hate those bitches?!) but we’re still together, crazy and happy; laugh over irrelevant things and share gossips like barrack housewives.

It’s been rocky crazy good and fun! No regrets. My ex-husband who was so sure I’ll be back on my knees begging with my children because no one will marry me and when I get overwhelmed with cost of raising 3 children I’ll return and those men who acted like I wasn’t good enough for them are all occupying my timeline everytime I post pictures shouting wawu wawu like ambulance.

Dia fada! (Their dadsThose who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story ) Happy wedding anniversary to us. Believe in your dreams. It is not over until God says so. If you want it bad enough you’ll get it (whatever “IT” is for you all, I hope this encourages you) Thanks for reading.

Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story
Those who shame single mothers can shut up because they are not God - Nigerian woman who remarried after surviving "domestic violence" shares her story

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Soldiers Successfully Stage Military Coup In Sudan, Prime Minister Arrested

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Soldiers on Monday morning successfully carried out an offensive against members of the country’s caretaker government.

It was learned that Abdalla Hamdok the Sudanese Prime Minister was taken into custody by soldiers after an unknown team of soldiers raided his residence.

Sudan Prime Minister, Abdalla Hamdok

This new development has raised fears of yet another military coup in a country rocked by political turmoil.

According to local media reports, armed soldiers have held 5 ministers, including four military members and one civilian, of the Transitional Sovereignty Council.

Al Hadath TV reports that a media aide to Mr. Hamdok was also reportedly arrested.

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This armed offensive is the latest of many to remove Hamdok, who assumed power in 2019, from power.

Sudanese Professionals Association said in a statement that citizens should take to the streets to reject any military coup.

READ ALSO: ‘Buhari’s Army Only Mighty On Paper, Steal And Sell Weapons To Terrorists

Internet outages were also reported across the capital Khartoum on Monday and averred by web infrastructure monitors Netblocks.

Internet disrupted in #Sudan amid reports of military coup and detention of Prime Minister; real-time network data show national connectivity at 34% of ordinary levels; incident ongoing,” the group said on its Twitter handle.

Recall that protesters loyal to the military had on Sunday blocked entrances leading to the capital.

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Military and civilians have been sharing power since Omar al-Bashir was ousted in 2019, and last month’s attempted coup was summarily blamed on soldiers loyal to Bashir, who has been charged with war crimes.

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Politics

National Convention: Only PDP Can Rescue Nigeria From Catastrophe Brought By APC – Seyi Makinde

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The Oyo State Governor Seyi Makinde has said it is only the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) that can save Nigeria from the current catastrophe being experienced under President Muhammadu Buhari-led government.

Bennievibez understands that Makinde revealed this while affirming that PDP’s national convention will hold as earlier scheduled.

The opposition party National Convention Organising Committee had announced earlier that its convention will hold between 30-31.

A faction of the party stood as opposition after it instituted a case at the Kaduna High Court in an attempt to prevent the convention on the scheduled dates.

READ ALSO: 5,000 APC Members Defect To PDP In Cross River

However, in a statement titled, “Statement by the PDP National Convention Organising Committee Regarding the Case Instituted at the High Court in Kaduna to Prevent the PDP from Holding its National Convention on October 30 and 31, 2021,” Governor Makinde who doubles as the Chairman of the Committee maintained that the convention will hold as scheduled in spite of the threats.

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Makinde said the committee was alerting “members of our party and members of the public that we are aware of the actions of a few misguided PDP members who have approached the High Court in Kaduna in an attempt to prevent our great party, the PDP from holding its National Convention on October 30 and 31, 2021.

“Notwithstanding their right to approach a court of competent jurisdiction to air their grievances, we maintain that the National Executive Committee of the PDP has acted in good faith in fixing our convention for October 30 and 31. It is not meant to witch-hunt anyone or to truncate anyone’s mandate.”

The Oyo State governor charged the party faithful to ignore distractions and keep the focus on the progress of the party.

The statement further read, “Therefore, we call on all members and supporters of the PDP to ignore this distraction as we prepare to host a convention that will send a clear signal to Nigerians that the PDP is the only party that has the will and the might to rescue Nigeria from the catastrophe that we have been enduring for the past six years.

“We are aware that a united PDP is a threat to the forces that seek to divide us. Therefore, we urge our teeming supporters nationwide to keep the faith as we are taking all necessary measures to ensure that we will not be distracted from our goal.”

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The committee, he said, was determined to strengthen the party structure and put in the work needed to unify and restore Nigeria on the path to economic prosperity and greatness.

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Justice Nyako Is Biased, Nnamdi Kanu Won’t Get Fair Trial In Her Court – Deji Adeyanju

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The convener of Concerned Nigerian movement, Deji Adeyanju, has charged Justice Binta Nyako of an Abuja Federal High Court to hands off the case of the leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra, Nnamdi Kanu.

Adeyanju in a chat with Daily Post said the husband of justice Nyako hails from the Fulani tribe, hence the reason for the judge to step down from Kanu’s trial.

He further revealed that the husband of the judge has represented and hosted many Fulani meetings and conferences within and outside Nigeria.

Adeyanju said this will make it hard to believe that Kanu will get justice in court.

The human rights activist disclosed this while condemning the ruling of Justice Nyako, which declined Kanu’s application to transfer him from the custody of the Department of State Services to the Correctional Centre in Kuje.

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READ ALSO: How Malami Will Be Remembered After Labelling Sunday Igboho Terrorist – Afenifere

Justice Nyako in her ruling had cited security reasons for rejection of the application.

He said, “As I said earlier, Kanu may not get justice from Justice Binta Nyako because her husband is a prominent Fulani in this country. He has severally hosted several Fulani meetings both in Nigeria and the subregion in his home in Adamawa.

“So there is bound to be that fiat because we all know that Kanu is against the Fulanis in this country; If I were to be Nyako, I would recuse myself from the trial, knowing fully that people may misconstrue that she may not be just, just like I am now of the opinion that she may not be fair and just in the trial.

“Denying him access to Kuje, knowing fully that they kidnapped him in Kenya in such a manner, points to one fact that he may not actually get justice in her court. Look at what the Supreme Court said in the trial of MKO Abiola vs the Federal Republic of Nigeria, that ‘once the average citizen goes home thinking that the judge is unfair, at that point, the judge recuse him/herself from the trial.’ This is totally how I feel on Justice Nyako’s ruling.

“Naturally, that application should have been granted. If somebody says ‘I don’t feel safe in DSS custody,’ why would you still keep him there?”

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Adeyanju suggested that the Federal Government is trying to delay the trial of the IPOB leader, thereby, keeping him in custody perpetually.

He said the ruling is a sign that the federal government is colliding with the court against Kanu are right.

Adeyanju said, “Trial should be about the ability of the accused person to defend himself, and the constitution has said the court should provide him the ability, facility, and time to defend himself.

“So, if he is not mentally stable in DSS custody, how then can he defend himself. It’s not as if he would escape justice, so if you remand him in Kuje; he would have the time and facility to prepare for trial, and that is the essence of trial.

“The essence of trial is not to witch-hunt or victimize the defendant but to ensure justice for the state, defendant, and victim. So, if there is no justice for the defendant; then we can’t say we have been just and fair.

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“This must go beyond the fact that they want to prosecute Nnamdi Kanu, because it’s now looking as if they are doing everything possible to keep him

“Remember the last adjourned date, they refused to produce him in court. Knowing them by their modus operandi, they just want to delay the trial and keep him in custody perpetually. If they take him to a Correctional facility, they would always present him for trial.

“Those suspecting a collusion between the court, DSS, and the government may be right because there is no locus whatsoever to have denied this application.”

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5,000 APC Members Defect To PDP In Cross River

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The All Progressive Congress, APC, has lost more than five thousand members to the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in Cross River.

Bennievibez understands that the new defectors were given a welcoming party on Sunday at the Government Technical College playground in Ogoja.

PDP got the huge followership to double its grand reception for Jarigbe Agom, the Senator representing Cross River North.

Speaking at the event, Venatius Ikem, PDP Chairman, said the return of the ex-members and entry of new ones will boost the party’s chances ahead of future elections.

READ ALSO: 2023 Presidency: Osinbajo Can Not Bow To Any Politician

The returnees and the new members were from Ogoja Yala, Obanliku, Obudu, and Bekwara, Bennievibez understands.

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They included former Special Adviser to former Governor Liyel Imoke on Budget, Dr. Peter Oti.

Ikem said: “Since the time of former Senate President, Joseph Ways, Cross River North never witnessed this number of crowd.

“I say with confidence that Cross River North has never produced a Senator as popular as Jarigbe Agom.”

It could be recalled that Senate President Ahmad Lawan had named Agom Vice Chairman, Committee on Foreign Affairs, a fortnight ago.

The lawmaker was finally sworn in September after six months of a legal battle.

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This was after the Court of Appeal in Calabar declared him in July as the winner of the December 5, 2020, Senatorial bye-election.

Hon. Justice Chioma removed Senator Stephen Odey and ordered the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) to issue a certificate of return to Agom.

Reports had it that Odey was to concede the position to his ally Governor Ben Ayade in 2023.

With his defection to the APC, Ayade is expected to contest for Cross River North Senatorial election on the ruling platform.

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Gumi Warns Against Tagging Bandits As Terrorists

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Controversial Islamic cleric, Ahmad Gumi, on Sunday warned against declaring bandits as terrorists, adding that the decision will come with a prize.

This is coming after lawmakers in the National Assembly charged President Muhammadu Buhari to declare bandits as terrorists following attacks in the Northern part of the country.

Gumi in a post shared on his Facebook handle noted that the actions of bandits in the Northwest which has seen innocent people murdered are tantamount to terrorism.

READ ALSO: APC Chieftain Reveals How IPOB Can Secure Kanu’s Release

He, however, said the moment bandits are declared terrorists, the direct foreign Jihadist movements will set in force, and many unemployed youths may find it palatable and attractive.

Gumi added that nothing stops kinetic actions from going on without the controversy of semantics.

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The Islamic cleric charged an Igbo cleric to reach out to members of the Indigenous People of Biafra and talk sense to them, while a pastor in the Southwest does the same to bring peace to the country at large.

Gumi in a post titled, “Declaring Bandits as Terrorists will come with a prize!” wrote, “Nobody doubts that sentimentalism today overrides sensibility in our polity. For the sake of posterity, some people will have to speak out.

“The acts the bandits are committing now in North West have gradually over time become tantamount to terrorism because wherever innocent people are fatal victims it’s pure terrorism. Yet, innocence these days is relative. We agreed if their children and women are also killed, they are guilty by association or collateral damage, so also the bandits may think the same way. It’s right for vigilantes to lynch Fulani herdsmen or anyone that looks like them by profiling but wrong for the herdsmen to ransack villages in retribution. They are pushed to believe it is an existential war and in war, ethics are thrown to the winds.

READ ALSO: Nonsensical, Absurd: Ohanaeze Rejects IPOB Sit-At-Home Order Over Nnamdi Kanu

“Yet again, the only helpful part that is against bandits is that no other than them are attracted to join them in the North West because of its ethnic tinge and coloration. However, the moment they are termed terrorist – Islamic for that matter, the direct foreign Jihadist movements will set in in force. And many teaming unemployed youths may find it palatable and attractive. Shouting ‘Allahu Akbar’ plus AK47 against a ‘secular’ immoral society where impunity reigns are the magnet for extremists and downtrodden – the majority of our youth. Already these deadly terrorist groups are fighting for the soul of these bandits. This will give criminality a spiritual cover and remove the stigma of discrediting them with such crimes since now they are fighting a ‘Jihad’ as they will claim. In such a situation, does the larger society — as it is — has the moral high ground to fight back? This is the most probable consequence, the price of which is not worth it. Nothing stops the kinetic actions from going on without the controversy of semantics.

“North East is already and is still devastated by this madness for over 12 years. If we allow terror to set in into these raw, naïve, and unexposed bandits, North West will be in ruins sooner than later. Already IPOB is destroying South East, and Igboho has set the ball of confusion rolling in South West. For those who want to destroy the North West, it’s a good recipe. Turn bandits into religious zealots. Tell me, what then remains of Nigeria?

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“I have started to get these raw bandits out of their misadventure but unfortunately, I have few helpers and a mountain of antagonists. The psychology in fighting natives is to induce a motive for their struggle if they don’t have one already, a motive that is manageable, and it is so managed. Unfortunately, reactions to threats in our nation are always slow and incoherent.

“I hope another Igbo cleric goes into the IPOB militants likewise and talk sense into them, and another Pastor of Oduduwa land talks against the Igboho secessionist tribal movement by way of sensitizing people to the values of a cohesive nationalism that will guarantee freedom, equality, and justice for all. Religious forces can permeate hardened hearts where secular forces cannot.

“Regrettably, people just sit down in the comfort of their rooms or parlors and make useless passing comments that only add fuel to the inferno of ethnic jingoism and bigotry. In the 21st century, Nigeria is hijacked by semi-illiterates and half-baked tribal heroes that have nothing to offer besides promoting tribal xenophobia. Nigeria has over 250 ethnic groups. It’s not possible to divide such a nation into tribal enclaves. Nigeria is multi-religious, even within the same religion or sect, there is no harmony and understanding that can build a prosperous, unified nation where tranquillity and development will flourish. We are tired of these bogus destructive fruitless slogans!

“Nigerians are in a daydream so long they act by Nerval impulses not by the dictates of their cerebral cortex. May Allah protect us all. Amin.”

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How Malami Will Be Remembered After Labelling Sunday Igboho Terrorist – Afenifere

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The pan-Yoruba socio-political organisation, Afenifere, says one of the individuals who will feature prominently whenever the administration of President Muhammadu Buhari is being appraised is the Attorney General of the Federation (AGF) and Minister of Justice, Mr. Abubakar Malami SAN.

It however pointed out that Malami would not be remembered for exemplary positive contributions to the nation and to humanity but for the unprecedented damage, he caused the administration he served to commit.

Bennievibez reports that Afenifere stated this while faulting Malami’s attempt to label Sunday Adeyemo (alias Igboho) a terrorist saying it “was the height of an attempt to nail Adeyemo at all cost even without justification.’’

The AGF had on Friday tagged the activities of Yoruba Nation agitator, Sunday Igboho, who is currently in Benin Republic prison as acts of terrorism. He disclosed that a 24-member committee set up by President Buhari and headed by him established a link between Igboho and a Boko Haram sponsor, Surajo Muhammad, who was sentenced to life imprisonment in the United Arab Emirates on charges of financing terrorism.

READ ALSO: The Economist Is Right – Presidency Reacts To Report On Buhari Govt [Full Text]

Afenifere in a statement issued at the weekend by its national publicity secretary, Comrade Jare Ajayi, said the attitude of Malami on matters of rights of Nigerians and the need to use the law to edify the society has always called to question his capacity to hold the exalted office as the first law officer of the country.

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Malami, according to the statement, “will feature prominently because of what he did – and makes the government he serves to do – while in that office.”

‘’Unfortunately, his prominence would not be for exemplary positive contributions to the nation and to humanity but for the unprecedented damage he caused the administration he served to commit,’’ it said.

Afenifere revealed that to worsen matters for Malami, he could not mention any specific terrorist act carried out by Igboho particularly in regards to the financial transactions he was so excited to roll out.

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